After Blood Ties
by everlovin
Summary: Jennifer realizes that she can no longer be Ronon's doctor. How will he take it?


From Blood Ties

Disclaimer - I don't own SGA. If I did, so many things would be different.

Pairing - Ronon/Jenn

Episode - 503 Blood Ties

Rating - T +

Jennifer's heart squeezed. He was down there shouting obscenities at John. And John let the words roll off him with an equanimity that Jennifer wouldn't have been able to pull off.

John had turned to leave the isolation room and Ronon started up with a new litany of shouting. "Kill me or set me free, Sheppard! Kill me or set me free!" It went on for . . . forever.

Finally, in exhaustion or a slump in adrenaline or simply the lack of a captive audience, Ronon fell back on his bed. Jennifer took a deep breath and searched for her objectivity. Ronon needed his doctor now. Not the woman who looked forward to their twice weekly sparring lessons. Not the woman who occasionally cursed Radek for his rotten timing. He needed his doctor.

She reached deep for objectivity. All she found were tears. He was in so much pain. Where did it end? There was no way she'd allow for his death. The doctor wouldn't allow it. The woman wouldn't allow it. She had to be Doctor Keller now. Right now, Jennifer.

It was days before he turned the corner. It seemed like weeks. Rodney was with him when he decided to be lucid, hungry and better. Jennifer greeted the news with relief. Doctor Keller was not needed anymore.

Jenn could now deal with everything. She made her way to her office and simply sat. When had he become so important to her? When did he come to matter more than any other patient she'd ever treated?

It was sometime around when he went off to chase after Teyla and a building collapsed around him she imagined. She'd been so afraid. First when she found out he was under tons and tons of rubble. Then again when he went with Sheppard and Rodney to get Teyla off Michael's hive ship. Sheppard was in no shape to fight. Teyla was either pregnant or recently gave birth. Rodney sucked at anything more than shooting blindly. That could have gone so wrong in so many ways.

She'd dreamed of all of them.

It came down to the fact that Jennifer could no longer be Ronon's doctor. That duty would have to go to Doctor Cole. Jennifer could no longer maintain her objectivity with him. The main question was, 'how to tell him in his weakened state that she was transferring his care?'. No time like the present.

He tested Tyre's sword for its balance. It was a well-made sword: balanced, honed to a razor sharpness, deadly. Nothing less than he'd expect Tyre of owning when Ronon led their strike force. But it was the balance that caught his attention. How was he to find his again?

He'd been so anchored in Satedan pride and honor, he had no idea where to step now that he had forfeited it. And regardless of his friends' continued acceptance of him, he did forfeit his honor. He should have died as Merika and Hemi did before dishonoring his fallen people.

Where was his balance point? What if he ever succumbed to temptation again? It was bad a couple of years ago when that Ford guy got him hooked on the enzyme. He had felt cravings for weeks afterward - not that he ever told Carson or Sheppard - but they were there. And now, not even a day of having a clear mind, he wanted that thrill of going to the very edge of existence only to be yanked back.

The doors opened and Jennifer walked in. For a brief moment, his breath caught at her beauty. He took a moment to study her. She was tired and she'd been crying. Oh shit! He hadn't said anything, done anything, to make her cry had he? "Jennifer, I'm so sorry if I did . . . " but Jennifer was already denying his self-accusation.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Anything said or done has already been forgiven. By. Everybody. We're just very glad to have you back with us."

"So, when are you setting me free?"

"Right now, in fact. But there is something we need to talk about once you're dressed. Meet me in my office?" Ronon nodded and she turned to go.

"So what do you need?" Jennifer started at Ronon's voice. He smiled. No matter how many ways he tried to teach her to always be aware of her surroundings, she didn't seem to ever put it in practice. At least not around him. He sincerely hoped she put it in practice when she was offworld.

"How is it you walk so quietly? You've got those clunky boots; you're a big guy. How do you do it?" Her hand was over her chest as she tried to control her breathing and heart rate.

"What do you need?" Ronon asked again. There was no explaining a lifetime of training with lethal consequences.

"Have a seat." She indicated the chair near the door. "I'm transferring your care over to Doctor Cole. Circumstances have come up, and I can't be your doctor anymore."

"I see." Ronon took the news like a body blow to his solar plexus. There would be no more 'accidents' to see her, feel her gentle touch. It was probably more than he deserved anyway. "I won't bother you anymore. I'm sure Teyla would be willing to take over your sparring lessons. I'll talk to her about adding you to her schedule." And he left the office.

Any hopes of finding his balance point with Jennifer a part of it went up in smoke. She couldn't even bear to see to his medical care anymore. What did he expect? He was a traitor to everything he held dear. He betrayed Merika and Hemi. He betrayed all of Sateda. He betrayed Sheppard. He came so close to betraying all of Atlantis. All of them.

He had hoped - especially when she said there was nothing to forgive - that she could look past that. Why should she when he couldn't.

All that was left for him was to kill every last stinking wraith that polluted the galaxy. He just hoped his team would be willing to let him help them do so.

'Well, that went well, Jennifer,' she berated herself. She should have explained first. Ronon was in such a dark place right then and she managed to make him think she didn't want to be around him when just the opposite was true. And now, she had no idea how to fix it.

She clicked her communicator. "Doctor Keller to the Control Room."

"Chuck here, ma'am. What can I do for you?"

"Could you use the sensors and locate Ronon for me? I need to give him some follow up instructions regarding his release from the infirmary," Jenn lied for all she was worth. She probably shouldn't be asking for this type of favor for personal reasons.

"No problem, ma'am. If you like, I'll send the location to your laptop. It'll follow him as he moves."

"Thanks, Chuck. I foresee your next physical going very well."

It took some time to track him down. He knew how to hide when he wanted to. He was down deep in Atlantis in a large empty room shadow sparring with a sword. His moves were lightning fast. He was totally engrossed in the discipline and exercise that Jenn felt like an intruder on his private time. Well, her sensibilities were just going to have to suffer. She needed to talk to him and make him understand. Even if she had to wrestle him to the floor. As pleasant as that sounded, she didn't think she was up for that.

Finally, after an hour he slowed his movements enough to broaden his focus, caught sight of her, and stopped all together. "Doc."

Not good. He sounded all wary. Not the tone she ever wanted to hear from him in relation to her. "I didn't explain earlier. I need to talk to you about that."

Ronon stood up a bit straighter. "Explain away."

Jenn took a deep breath. Where to start, where to start? "What are some of the qualities that a good commander needs to have?"

Ronon grabbed a water bottle and went to lean on the wall. "A knowledge of tactics - both his and those of his enemy. That person needs to inspire loyalty and confidence and grant that to those under his command. He needs to be impartial to those under his command. What does this have to do with anything?"

"Just trying to find some common ground here," she put forward.

"Look, I know you don't have any confidence in my loyalty anymore. I'm just hoping that given some time you'll learn to trust me again."

"That's not it at all, Ronon. I promise that's not it." Jenn tried to put all of her earnestness in her voice. "There is something that good doctors need to have that goes along with commanders." She searched his eyes for the opening she needed. And she saw it. Curiosity and a flash of hope. "Doctors need to be objective with their patients. We need to be able to take an emotional step back from the person in order to treat the disease, injury, or addiction."

Ronon nodded. "I can see that. I've seen you treating people with the Hoffan virus. You care about them. It hurts you to see so many of them sick and dying."

Well, at least he didn't think of her as an unfeeling robot or something. "Yeah. It's tough seeing so many innocent people dying because of something we created. And that's part of what I mean. I don't know those people well. They aren't vital to me as a person. When they suffer, it hurts but I am able to move on. It's not the same with you. If something happened to you, I don't think I'd be able to go to work the next day like any other day. I care about you too much."

Ronon's eyes took on a more watchful look. It almost felt like she was being stalked by him. "I will not be the cause of a mistake in your medical care because I care more about you, the person, than you the injury or you the illness. I won't. More than that. I won't be the cause of making mistakes in someone else's care because I'm more worried about you."

"Does that go for anyone else here?" He wasn't giving her an inch. Understandable, given how she botched up this whole thing from the start.

"It's just you. All I could think of when you were gone was how much I wished it was you and not Tyre who was getting better. When you were going through withdrawals, I could barely stand to see you in such agony. It was only when you started coming out of it I could be there for you," Jenn admitted to her shame.

"I wouldn't have known. I don't remember a thing after Sheppard came in saying he wouldn't let me go back to the wraith. Not up until I woke up to McKay going on and on about something."

"I know. I should have been there for you as your friend and as your doctor."

Ronon cleared his throat. "I...I thought you couldn't stand to see me after I turned into a wraith worshiper."

Jenn was incensed on his behalf. "You did not choose to be a wraith worshiper. As far as I'm concerned, you never did. You were forced into something and your body chemistry craved more. You, Ronon Dex, would never do anything like that. It was excess amounts of dopamine and adrenaline affecting your brain chemistry. Nothing more."

"Yeah, well. I'm still having a hard time figuring out who I am after it all."

"You are the man I love." Jenn stopped short. She hadn't meant to say that. She didn't even know that she knew that before now.

"Oh, my God. I'm in love with you. How did that happen and me not know it?" She seemed to be talking to herself, but she had Ronon's complete attention.

"It happens the same way I fall in love with you. Little by little until it's so big it stares you in the face." Jenn's head snapped up.

"Did I really hear that?" Ronon nodded and slowly made his way over to her. "You realize, it's official. I can't be your doctor now. There's laws prohibiting doctors from dating their patients."

"Does that mean we're going to be 'dating'?" Ronon tested the word as he reached down to encircle her with his arms.

"Oh, yeah. Dating will be involved." Jenn wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'll have to take you home to meet Dad. We'll have a wedding, kids." The future she painted stretched out in front of Ronon and he felt balanced in a way he hadn't for a very long time.

A/N - Remember, reviews are like ice cream. Sweet and yummy!


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